קצת הומור צרפתי.
12 הודעות
|עמוד 1 מתוך 1
קצת הומור צרפתי.
Q: How many French men does it take to defend Paris?
A: Nobody knows... No French man has ever tried.
Q: How do you stop a French tank?
A: By shooting the soldier pushing it.
Q: Why does the new French Navy have glass-bottom boats?
A: So they can see the old French Navy.
Q: Why is it crucial for the French to join the war against Iraq?
A: Somebody has to show the Iraqis how to surrender.
Q: What do you call 100,000 French men with their arms in the air?
A: The army.
Q: Why shouldnt we be surprised that the French dont want to help us against the Iraqis?
A: Because they didnt help us when we fought the Germans.
Q: The American military wears combat boots. What does the French military wear?
A: Track shoes.
Q: Why do French tanks have five gears for reverse and only one for forward?
A: In case theyre attacked from behind.
Q: What color is the French military flag?
A: White.
Q: Why did the French plant trees along the streets of Paris?
A: So the Germans could park in the shade.
Q: Why does the French military have such a low mortality rate?
A: Because its hard to engage with the enemy when both sides are running in the same direction.
Q: What do French recruits learn in basic training?
A: How to surrender in 17 different languages.
Q: Why do French tanks have rear view mirrors?
A: So they can see the war.
Q: Why do French men wear yellow ties?
A: To match the streaks running down their back.
Q: How do you get a French waiters attention?
A: Start ordering in German.
A: Nobody knows... No French man has ever tried.
Q: How do you stop a French tank?
A: By shooting the soldier pushing it.
Q: Why does the new French Navy have glass-bottom boats?
A: So they can see the old French Navy.
Q: Why is it crucial for the French to join the war against Iraq?
A: Somebody has to show the Iraqis how to surrender.
Q: What do you call 100,000 French men with their arms in the air?
A: The army.
Q: Why shouldnt we be surprised that the French dont want to help us against the Iraqis?
A: Because they didnt help us when we fought the Germans.
Q: The American military wears combat boots. What does the French military wear?
A: Track shoes.
Q: Why do French tanks have five gears for reverse and only one for forward?
A: In case theyre attacked from behind.
Q: What color is the French military flag?
A: White.
Q: Why did the French plant trees along the streets of Paris?
A: So the Germans could park in the shade.
Q: Why does the French military have such a low mortality rate?
A: Because its hard to engage with the enemy when both sides are running in the same direction.
Q: What do French recruits learn in basic training?
A: How to surrender in 17 different languages.
Q: Why do French tanks have rear view mirrors?
A: So they can see the war.
Q: Why do French men wear yellow ties?
A: To match the streaks running down their back.
Q: How do you get a French waiters attention?
A: Start ordering in German.
"R.T.F.M." - ALWAYS BLOODY WORKS...
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- סליקאי זהב
- הודעות: 1363
- הצטרף: 08 ינואר 2003, 21:14
ואם כבר, הנה משהו דווקא חיובי בכיוון הצרפתי:
Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life; is this true?
A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it... don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.
Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.
Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, which means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up!
Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.
Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain...Good!
Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!! Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?
Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.
Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: Are you crazy? HELLO...... Cocoa beans! Another vegetable!!! It's the best feel-good food around!
Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.
Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape!
Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.
And remember: "Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and screaming "WOO HOO, What a Ride!"
Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life; is this true?
A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it... don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.
Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.
Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, which means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up!
Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.
Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain...Good!
Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!! Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?
Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.
Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: Are you crazy? HELLO...... Cocoa beans! Another vegetable!!! It's the best feel-good food around!
Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.
Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape!
Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.
And remember: "Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and screaming "WOO HOO, What a Ride!"
Primum - Non Nocere, Secundum - Nocere!!!!
The problem with troubleshooting is that trouble shoots back
_________________________________
מפקח מטווח, חבר בארגון מדריכי הירי ומפקחי המטווחים הישראלי ISIA
The problem with troubleshooting is that trouble shoots back
_________________________________
מפקח מטווח, חבר בארגון מדריכי הירי ומפקחי המטווחים הישראלי ISIA
- תרמתי למען הסליק
- הודעות: 838
- הצטרף: 13 ינואר 2003, 17:44
- מיקום: ישראל-תל אביב
היו היה קוריוז בגוגל, בו אילו היית כותב: "French military victories" ולוחץ על הכפתור "I'm feeling lucky", הוא היה נותן לך דף של קישורים על "French military defeats".
Be nice and polite to everyone and carry a loaded gun
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- תרמתי למען הסליק
- הודעות: 5137
- הצטרף: 05 ינואר 2003, 12:20
- מיקום: LOCK UP YOUR GOATS
לי זה היה מקשר לאגודה הבינלאומית של מדע בדיוני...
Primum - Non Nocere, Secundum - Nocere!!!!
The problem with troubleshooting is that trouble shoots back
_________________________________
מפקח מטווח, חבר בארגון מדריכי הירי ומפקחי המטווחים הישראלי ISIA
The problem with troubleshooting is that trouble shoots back
_________________________________
מפקח מטווח, חבר בארגון מדריכי הירי ומפקחי המטווחים הישראלי ISIA
- תרמתי למען הסליק
- הודעות: 838
- הצטרף: 13 ינואר 2003, 17:44
- מיקום: ישראל-תל אביב
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- תרמתי למען הסליק
- הודעות: 4194
- הצטרף: 04 ינואר 2003, 19:13
א. לא מתעלמים, הוא פשוט היה קצת קטן, ולא ראיתי אותו באבק.
2. הוא פיקד על צרפתים, אבל למעשה הוא קורסיקאי, כך שהוא די נפסל טכנית.
שלישית. כל אחד זכאי ל-15 דקות תהילה, וגם הוא קיבל. אני חושב שווטרלו היה האות שלו, הבמאי שאומר לו "חבוב, הגיעה הדקה ה-16, השליח שלנו נלסון יעביר לך את ההודעה הרישמית"...
2. הוא פיקד על צרפתים, אבל למעשה הוא קורסיקאי, כך שהוא די נפסל טכנית.
שלישית. כל אחד זכאי ל-15 דקות תהילה, וגם הוא קיבל. אני חושב שווטרלו היה האות שלו, הבמאי שאומר לו "חבוב, הגיעה הדקה ה-16, השליח שלנו נלסון יעביר לך את ההודעה הרישמית"...
Primum - Non Nocere, Secundum - Nocere!!!!
The problem with troubleshooting is that trouble shoots back
_________________________________
מפקח מטווח, חבר בארגון מדריכי הירי ומפקחי המטווחים הישראלי ISIA
The problem with troubleshooting is that trouble shoots back
_________________________________
מפקח מטווח, חבר בארגון מדריכי הירי ומפקחי המטווחים הישראלי ISIA
- תרמתי למען הסליק
- הודעות: 838
- הצטרף: 13 ינואר 2003, 17:44
- מיקום: ישראל-תל אביב
קיבה? אני הייתי בטוח שזו היתה הפיטמה, אבל לא אתווכח על הנקודה (אחרי הכל, אצלו זה כולה 5-6 ס"מ הבדל בין השתיים).
במחשבה שניה, כמי שחי עם צרפתים, סביר שהוא פשוט וידא שהסיגריות עדיין במקום.
במחשבה שניה, כמי שחי עם צרפתים, סביר שהוא פשוט וידא שהסיגריות עדיין במקום.
Primum - Non Nocere, Secundum - Nocere!!!!
The problem with troubleshooting is that trouble shoots back
_________________________________
מפקח מטווח, חבר בארגון מדריכי הירי ומפקחי המטווחים הישראלי ISIA
The problem with troubleshooting is that trouble shoots back
_________________________________
מפקח מטווח, חבר בארגון מדריכי הירי ומפקחי המטווחים הישראלי ISIA
- תרמתי למען הסליק
- הודעות: 838
- הצטרף: 13 ינואר 2003, 17:44
- מיקום: ישראל-תל אביב
A Jewish husband and wife were having dinner at a very fine restaurant
when this absolutely stunning young woman comes over to their table,
gives the husband a big open mouthed kiss, then says she'll see him
later and walks away.
The wife glares at her husband and says, "Who was that?"
"Oh," replies the husband, "she's my mistress."
"Well, that's the last straw," says the wife. "I've had enough, I want a divorce!"
"I can understand that," replies her husband, "but remember, if we get a
divorce it will mean no more shopping trips to Paris, no more wintering
in Barbados, no more summers in Tuscany, no more BMW in the garage and
no more yacht club. But the decision is yours."
Just then, a mutual friend enters the restaurant with a gorgeous babe on his arm.
"Who's that woman with Moishe?" asks the wife.
"That's his mistress," says her husband.
"Ours is prettier," she replies.
when this absolutely stunning young woman comes over to their table,
gives the husband a big open mouthed kiss, then says she'll see him
later and walks away.
The wife glares at her husband and says, "Who was that?"
"Oh," replies the husband, "she's my mistress."
"Well, that's the last straw," says the wife. "I've had enough, I want a divorce!"
"I can understand that," replies her husband, "but remember, if we get a
divorce it will mean no more shopping trips to Paris, no more wintering
in Barbados, no more summers in Tuscany, no more BMW in the garage and
no more yacht club. But the decision is yours."
Just then, a mutual friend enters the restaurant with a gorgeous babe on his arm.
"Who's that woman with Moishe?" asks the wife.
"That's his mistress," says her husband.
"Ours is prettier," she replies.
איציק אלנבוגן
מדריך ירי
מדריך ירי
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- מדריך ירי
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- הצטרף: 10 ינואר 2003, 09:01
למעשה..... זו התשובה המתקבלת בגוגל
ובכל זאת..... כל פעם שאני בצרפת אני מתמוגג מהשפה, מהאוכל, מהנופים המדהימים....
מה לעשות שחרא של עם קיבל יופי של ארץ
Did you mean: french military defeats
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Your search - french military victories - did not match any documents
ובכל זאת..... כל פעם שאני בצרפת אני מתמוגג מהשפה, מהאוכל, מהנופים המדהימים....
מה לעשות שחרא של עם קיבל יופי של ארץ
למדו את הילדים איך לחשוב ולא מה לחשוב.
לא מאמין באמונות תפלות, אומרים שזה מביא מזל רע.
ביום שיזוהמו כל המים על פני העולם, כל העצים יחטבו, והשדות כולם יתייבשו רק אז אולי יבינו בני האדם, שאי אפשר לאכול כסף.
לא מאמין באמונות תפלות, אומרים שזה מביא מזל רע.
ביום שיזוהמו כל המים על פני העולם, כל העצים יחטבו, והשדות כולם יתייבשו רק אז אולי יבינו בני האדם, שאי אפשר לאכול כסף.
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- הצטרף: 07 ינואר 2003, 16:41
- מיקום: פרדס חנה - כרכור
12 הודעות
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מי מחובר
משתמשים הגולשים בפורום זה: אין משתמשים רשומים ואורח אחד