Saying the right thing , עוד מאותו מקור.

[יונה]

Jack wakes up at home with a huge hangover he can't believe. He forces himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirin next to a glass of water on the side table. And, next to them, a single red rose! Jack sits down and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. Jack looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotlessly clean. He takes the aspirins, cringes when he sees a huge black eye staring back at him in the bathroom mirror, and notices a note on the table:

"Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to go shopping--Love you!"

He stumbles to the kitchen and sure enough, there is hot breakfast and the morning newspaper.

His son is also at the table, eating.

Jack asks "Son...what happened last night?"

"Well, you came home after 3 am, drunk and out of your mind. You broke some furniture, puked in the hallway, and got that black eye when you ran into the door."

"So, why is everything in such perfect order, so clean, I have a rose, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me?"

His son replies, "Oh THAT! ..... Mum dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your trousers off, you screamed, 'Leave me alone, you tart, I'm married!'"

Broken furniture £85.26
Hot Breakfast £4.20
Red Rose bud £3.00
Two Aspirins £0.38

Saying the right thing, at the right time.........Priceless



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[Webart]

רב יונה,
אודה לך אם הבדיחות ירוכזו באשכול אחד...

א גיטע שאבעס.

[יונה]

Back in the 1880's, a westbound wagon train was lost and low on food. No other humans had been seen for days, and then the pioneers saw an old Norwegian sitting beneath a tree.



"Is there some place ahead where we can get food?" "Vell, I tink so," the old man said, "but I wouldn't go up dat hill und down de udder side. Somevun tole me you'd run into a big bacon tree."



"A bacon tree?" asked the wagon train leader.


"Yah, a bacon tree. Vould I lie? Trust me. I vouldn't go dere."


The leader goes back and tells his people what the Norwegian said.


"So why did he say not to go there?," a person asked. Other pioneers said, "Oh, you know those Norwegian people - they lie just for a joke."


So the wagon train goes up the hill and down the other side. Suddenly, Indians attack them from everywhere and massacre all except the leader who manages to escape and get back to the old Norwegian.



Near dead, the man shouts, "You fool! You sent us to our deaths! We followed your route, but there was no bacon tree, just hundreds of Indians who killed everyone but me."


The old Norwegian man holds up his hand and says, "Vait a minute." He

quickly picks up an English-Norwegian dictionary and begins thumbing through it.



"Oof-da, I made such ah big mishtake! It vuzn't a bacon tree,.......................











"it vuz a ham bush."

[יונה]

After living in the remote wilderness of Kentucky all his life, an old hillbilly decided it was time to visit the big city. In one of the stores he picks up a mirror and looks in it. Not ever having seen one before, he remarked at the image staring back at him, "How about that! Here's a picture of my daddy."

He bought the 'picture', but on the way home he remembered his wife, Lizzy, didn't like his father. So he hung it in the barn, and every morning before leaving for the fields, he would go there and look at it.

Lizzy began to get suspicious of these many trips to the barn. One day after her husband left, she searched the barn and found the mirror. As she looked into the glass, she fumed, "So that's the ugly b!tch he's runnin' around with."